Do you think he’s taking you to this steak house to piss you off? Or do you think he just doesn’t know where else to go?
Dear Lisi:Every year, my dad takes me out for dinner on my birthday to his favourite steak house. Yes, you read that correctly: HIS favourite steak house. The irony is that I don’t eat steak. I’ve mentioned this to him several times, but he doesn’t seem to register, remember or care.
The first time, I thought it was a genuine error. The second time, I forgave his forgetfulness. By the third time, I was annoyed. The fourth time, I walked out because I felt about as small as a grain of rice on my plate. The fifth time, we ended up having a huge blow out.
My birthday is pending and I’m stressing about where my dad is going to take me for dinner. I don’t want to go to his favourite steak house ever again! But I also don’t want to fight with my dad.
What should I do?
No steak please!
This is not a very funny comedy, though some may see the dark humour. I’m a pescatarian so I can empathize with your feelings. I would be unimpressed and annoyed as well. However, I suggest you take a deep breath and let it out slowly. Your dad just wants to spend time with you on your birthday. Do you think he’s taking you to this steak house to piss you off? Or do you think he just doesn’t know where else to go?
Why don’t you find a restaurant that offers delicious steak AND something that you’d enjoy, and make a reservation for the two of you on your birthday? That way you can both eat what you want, and you don’t have to worry about where he’s taking you.
It’s hard to get a read on how old you are, and how old he is from your question, but you may need to take your dad for some cognitive testing. Think about it.
Dear Lisi:My girlfriend and I just don’t get along that well anymore. The problem is that we recently moved in together. We made a huge decision to move out of our parents’ home and into an apartment together. We spent days upon days finding the right place, begging our friends and family for furniture and anything else they were tired of, had too many of, or just wished to donate. We spent hours painting and retiling, fixing and changing, and we have just got our place exactly the way we want it.
But now we’re not talking and I’m not even sure why. Our new home, which I thought would be filled with love and laughter, is now filled with tension and a chill in the air.
What went wrong?
Cohabitating
You dove in feet first, put your all into the search, the reno, the move in and now you’re gassed. It’s normal. You may even feel as though the whole thing is a bit anticlimactic. That’s OK.
From your description, it sounds as though this is your first time living with someone. There are highs and lows, good days and bad days. Not every minute is bliss. That’s NORMAL LIFE.
I have two suggestions: the first is to spend a night or two apart, however that’s feasible for you both. The second is to spend a night or two on holiday. Go to the lake, the woods, camping, wherever, just not in your new home, not making decisions, not “working.” Just go be and enjoy each other’s company.
Now go back to your new home together and see how you feel. Being together without any issues, and being apart, may be just what you need to press reset on your new life together in your new home.
I hope it works.
FEEDBACKRegarding the person feeling gassed (April 15):
Reader — “I read your column daily. There was no mention of the age of the couple, but I have to say women of a certain age do have more flatulence than when they were younger. Perhaps it was bad because of the food they ate that evening?
“With everything else we must contend with as we age, I believe that is the most annoying. I hope he gives her another chance, if he really has chemistry with this person…. because if that’s his biggest hang up, he’s going to find it in others.”
FEEDBACK Regarding the man longing for love (April 23):
Reader — “I read in your column about a 75-year-old man who wants to divorce his wife of 50 years. And now he wants to find a woman. Please tell him I’m interested.”
Lisi – Love your enthusiasm, but this isn’t a dating app.
Lisi Tesher is an advice columnist for the Star based in Toronto. Send your relationship questions via email:[email protected].