We live in a world that constantly demands perfection, and that can also mean in our spiritual life. But what if it is ok to be less than perfect in both?
We live in a world that constantly demands perfection. At work, there are performance metrics and deadlines to meet, along with the high expectations of bosses, colleagues, customers and clients. At home, we run our households, do our finances, balance budgets, buy groceries, clean, care for children, be present to our partners – all of which comes with expectations and demands. Online we are bombarded with images and videos of influencers who seem to have it all together, which includes decorating their homes according to the latest trends, wearing the right clothes, eating the right food, toning their bodies with the correct exercises and hustling after their laudable passions.
It’s no wonder that researchers are telling us burnout is an epidemic. The pressure to keep up with it all – and do it flawlessly – is immense.
Many of us, me included, carry this obsession with perfection into our spiritual lives. I know I’m guilty of feeling I’m not measuring up in that aspect of my life if I don’t sit in contemplative prayer for 20 minutes every day or show up for church every Sunday. I feel like I’m somehow letting God down.
Which, is totally ridiculous if you believe, like I do, in a God who loves each of us, and the world, beyond measure. I think it’s because that kind of unconditional love is just unfathomable – like, how do I earn that? I must have to do X, Y, Z in order to score that particular jackpot. It can’t be just available, whenever I want it, regardless of how messy and imperfect I am.
It’s as if the idea of all-encompassing love won’t cross my spirit-brain barrier. My spirit knows it’s true, but my brain has other ideas.
In fact, God carves out a space for me to be completely messy, to be completely who I am in the moment – and fiercely holds it open. I don’t have to apologize to God for the spiritual equivalent of mismatched socks and bookshelves harboring a thick layer of dust. God ignores all that to love the core of me, dust bunnies and all.
I’m grateful to be part of the Emmaus Community and AbbeyChurch in Victoria because we truly mean it when we say that we welcome everyone to come as they are. Our worship services are places where we can show up joyful, sad, scared, hopeful, scattered or broken and never worry we will be out of place or unwelcome. That, to me, is the closest we humans can come to God’s all-encompassing love, and I see it modeled by my fellow community members every Sunday and when we gather at other times. We’re always just glad to see each other, hear about what’s going on and then join together for a service full of beauty and music – and something that’s uniquely us.
In a world that sometimes seems so hostile and scary, AbbeyChurch reminds me each week of the power of saying “Hey! Nice to see you! Welcome. How are you?” and having it said back to you. There have been times during the past few months where that’s been more than enough to sustain me through the coming week.
I guess what I’m saying is that we all deserve a space where we allow ourselves to just be present to God in with our imperfections on the surface. Maybe some people are good at doing it automatically, without help. I, on the other hand, need reminders and tangible rituals to shake me out of my perfection obsession.
I’m grateful for the gift of community in helping me see that showing up messy before God is how it’s supposed to work.
Kevin Aschenbrenneris a Victoria-based writer, poet and communications professional. He holds an M.A. in Culture and Spirituality from the Sophia Center at Holy Names University in Oakland, Calif. He blogs atwww.dearpopefrancis.ca.
You can read more articles on our interfaith blog, Spiritually Speaking, athttps://www.timescolonist.com/blogs/spiritually-speaking